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Book Excerpts from Always Awake
He was not a quiet sleeper. His snores would rattle the pictures on the walls and the friction from his teeth grinding could start a small fire.

Meredith rarely slept.

You'd think she and Kurt were doomed from the get go. But not so. Meredith would watch Kurt as he tossed and turned. She'd try to dissect his turbulent night time behavior and try to search for any secrets about himself that he might be revealing in the dead of night.

"What was troubling him?,"Meredith wondered while she watched his hands and feet twitch like a puppy having a nightmare. "Maybe I should wake him. Maybe he knows."

But somehow knowing was not as important as watching. There's something about a person when they're sleeping that makes them more authentic. There's a lot of truth in sleep. There's not one moment of trying to be something that you're not. There's not a tinge of insecurity. No space for judgments or criticisms.

The perfect person exists only in their slumber.

In addition to being much more likable in his sleep, Meredith read somewhere that our cells regenerate at night. So, when she watched Kurt's evening gymnastics, she felt closer to him. Like she was witnessing his many deaths and rebirths. Subconsciously sacrificing her own recharging so she wouldn't miss his.

Although such a sacrifice, as subconscious as it may be, did not comfort Meredith while she lay in bed, eyes wide open. She knew she was missing much more than a little rest when she didn't sleep at night. There was a part of her - beyond the physical - that would never regenerate. A part of her that would never get a chance to die and resurrect in the morning.

Kurt was lucky, even in his uneasiness - at the very least - he was getting something done


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